Autumn is my favorite time of year. The weather begins to cool off (a welcome relief after the New Mexico summer heat) and the leaves turn red and gold.
I was one of those super dorks who actually looked forward to going back to school. Autumn is a season of change. Change is a natural part of life, but it’s something so many of us struggle with. Change can cause sadness, anxiety, and fear. Change is also inevitable. We have to face it.
This year, I’ve noticed a lot of change in my life. I decided to clean out the closet in Thing 1’s old bedroom. As I went through the boxes of their childhood and teenage memorabilia, I held tangible remnants of who they were growing up – stuffed animals, books, board games, trinket collections. Unsure of what to do with all of it, I texted Thing 1 to ask. They surprised me by saying that other than a couple of special items, I could get rid of everything else. This was quite a shock to my sentimental (and packrat-like) soul. How could they just get rid of all those memories? I hadn’t expected what was important to them to have changed so much. The 20+ Monopoly board games they had collected as a youngster were no longer special. A single edition they can actually play with friends is all they need. The playing of the game is now more important than the collecting.
Part of Thing 1’s Monopoly collection
Our children are such conundrums. It’s hard, if not impossible, to keep up with their changes as they grow up and away from us. As parents, we like to hold on to our children’s phases much longer than they want to (except, maybe, for potty training – I think we all just want that over as soon as possible). It’s not always easy for us to acknowledge and accept the changes. I think this is especially true for parents of LGBTQ+ children.
When we hold our newborn children, images spring into our minds of what their life will be like. A son playing football. A daughter in a white wedding dress. School activities, college, jobs, partners, etc. It all forms in our minds without even trying.
Then comes the day your child tells you they are gay or transgender or nonbinary. Suddenly all those images are gone in a puff of smoke. What will replace them? We become unsure and anxious for our children’s future. We have to remember, though, that those images were our hopes and dreams for our children, not theirs. As our children change and grow into the amazing queer young adults they will become, we have to change, too. We have to let go of all the stuff we’ve been keeping packed in our emotional boxes, and let our offspring spread their wings and soar. If we truly love them, support them, and embrace their change, they will leave a trail for us to follow them on their journey. And, while I have no idea where Thing 1’s trail will lead me, it’s a trip I can’t wait to take.
Marti Johns 