Dictionary.com lists 10 definitions for the word “evolution”. This one is my favorite.
“a process of gradual, peaceful, progressive change or development, as in social or economic structure or institutions.”
Everything changes. Well, maybe not everything, but enough stuff in our lives changes that I feel I can make that statement. Our relationships, especially with family members, change over time. I do not have the same relationship with my parents, my sister, my husband, or my kids that I had five years ago, ten years ago, or twenty years ago. I mean, twenty years ago, Thing 1 and Thing 2 were only 4 and 1-½ years old. Now, they are 24 and 21-½. I certainly don’t interact with them in the same way I did back then. They’re adults, with lives and partners of their own.
This past weekend marked Passover for my family. Passover is the most important holiday in my family. Every year I have been alive (and even before), my family has had a seder. As a military family, sometimes we lived in places where our little tribe of four was the entire Jewish community. But we always had a seder. There were only two times that I wasn’t able to get home for the seder. Once was when I was living in Israel, and I spent the holiday with Israeli cousins. The other was a time that Passover fell during college midterms and there was no way to fly home and back without missing exams. Even during Covid, we had a Zoom seder in 2020 and thanks to vaccines, we were able to be in person in 2021.
Okay, so what does Passover and the seder have to do with evolution? My family’s seder has evolved over the years.
For those who aren’t familiar, a seder is a service held around the dinner table the first night of Passover. You use a “mini prayer book” called a haggadah for the seder. It has prayers, blessings, explanations, stories, songs, etc. While the general structure of the haggadah and the seder are the same world wide, there are as many different haggadahs as there are recipes for chicken soup.
As a child, my family first used the haggadah distributed by the Jewish Welfare Board (which provided holiday items to Jewish military personnel). Next, we used the haggadah put out by Maxwell House coffee company. Then, we moved on to a haggadah edited by Rabbi Nathan Goldberg. Each haggadah was different, and worked for the time we used them.
But, our family kept changing and growing. My sister and I each got married. We had kids. My husband is Jewish-by-choice (i.e. converted), and my brother-in-law is not Jewish. And the times changed. Judaism evolved to include women as rabbis, and the language of Jewish prayers became more egalitarian. Moreover, we always have non-Jewish friends and family at our seder. It was my brilliant sister’s idea to create our own haggadah. Borrowing what we liked best from all the different versions, she put together and edited a personal family haggadah. We’ve used this new haggadah for several years and it has been perfect.
But again, our family has evolved. We now have several rainbow family members – Thing 1 is nonbinary, Thing 2 was in a thruple for a while, and my nephew is aromantic. Additionally, both Thing 1’s girlfriend and best friend are members of the trans community.
A couple of weeks ago, I started thinking about our haggadah. Was there a way to have it evolve again to include our queer members? So, like any member of the 21st century, I turned to the internet to find out. And was there ever!
Hebrew, the language of Jewish prayers, is binary, like so many other languages. There is a masculine form and a feminine form for nouns and verbs. My internet search turned up the Nonbinary Hebrew Project. Jewish scholars have created a third-gender systematics for Hebrew – a nonbinary way to speak Hebrew! How cool is that?! Through their website, I found a nonbinary Blessing for the Children which I used to update our haggadah.
I also discovered Keshetonline.org which puts out a completely queer haggadah. Several readings from their haggadah spoke to me and I added those to ours as well.
Our seder was fantastic! Everyone felt represented and seen. I know that religion has not always been kind or welcoming to the rainbow community, but this year, in our seder at least, we saw an evolution – a process of gradual, peaceful, progressive change or development – that moved our celebration to a more inclusive future.
Whatever your belief system, I hope this season brings you love, peace, and some evolution.
Marti Johns 